Why Vulnerability is A Superpower

In a world where everyone's trying to project this image of perfection, vulnerability often gets a bad rap. But here's the thing: vulnerability isn't weakness - it's strength!

The Facade of Strength

We're all guilty of it - putting on this tough exterior, regularly saying “I’m fine” when we’re not, or pretending like we've got it all together when, in reality, we're just as lost and scared as the next person. Think about it….is it easier to pretend to be ok, or to let people know you are not ok…or to cry! That’s your answer as to which one requires strength. We have been taught vulnerability is a liability, so we keep our guard up, never letting anyone see the cracks in our armor.

Tearing Down Walls

Vulnerability is what connects us. It's what makes us human. When we drop the act and let people see the real us—the messy, imperfect, beautifully flawed us—we create space for genuine connections. We give others permission to let down their guard too, to show up as their authentic selves. And it generally takes a lot less energy cause it is just you as you are.

Embracing the Mess

Sure, vulnerability can be scary. It means admitting that we don't have all the answers, that we're not perfect, and that's okay. It means being willing to get messy, to stumble and fall, knowing that it's all part of the journey.

Finding Your Strength

But here's the secret: vulnerability is where your power lies. It takes courage to be vulnerable, to show up and be seen, flaws and all. It's not about pretending to be strong—it's about having the guts to be real.

Embracing Imperfection

So let go of the pressure to be perfect. Embrace your imperfections, your quirks, your scars—they're what make you unique. Instead of hiding behind a facade, lean into vulnerability. It's where you'll find your strength, your authenticity, your true self.

Conclusion

So next time you're tempted to put up walls and hide behind a mask of strength, remember this: vulnerability is your superpower. It's what makes you real, relatable, and ultimately, unstoppable. So embrace it, own it, and watch as it transforms your life in ways you never thought possible.

Therapy Unveiled: How Long Till You Find Your Inner Zen

Hey there, fellow soul-searcher! If you've ever pondered the age-old question – "How long does therapy take?" – then grab a comfy seat and let's dive into the nitty-gritty of this therapeutic journey.

Therapy: Not a One-Size-Fits-All Gig:

Imagine therapy like a buffet – there's no one-size-fits-all answer. Just like some folks breeze through salads while others tackle the dessert table, therapy's timeline depends on a bunch of factors.

The Marvelous Timeline Mystery:

You might be hoping for a magic number, like "3 sessions and bam, problem solved!" But, alas, it's not that straightforward. Therapy's timeline is a bit like a choose-your-own-adventure story, where your needs, goals, and progress are the compass.

Short and Sweet or the Long Haul?

Some folks may start feeling relief after just a few sessions. They gain insights, learn coping skills, and see changes in their thoughts or behaviors. For others, it's more of a marathon – a journey of self-discovery that unfolds over several months or even years.

It's About the Process, Not the Clock:

Remember, therapy isn't a race against time; it's an exploration of your mind, emotions, and experiences. It's about peeling back the layers, untangling thoughts, and embracing change at your own pace.

The Power of Goals:

Setting goals with your therapist can be a game-changer. If you're working on specific issues – like managing anxiety or healing from past traumas – having clear goals can help you track your progress and give you a sense of direction.

Building that Therapeutic Relationship:

Therapy is like a cozy chat with a trusted friend who happens to have a treasure chest of strategies and insights. Developing a strong rapport with your therapist is vital. The better you connect, the smoother the journey.

Breaking Up with Expectations:

Let's be real – ditch those expectations of instant transformation. Healing takes time. Sometimes, it might feel like you're taking two steps forward and one step back. And that's okay! Progress isn't linear.

The Graduation Moment:

When do you "graduate" from therapy? It's when you feel equipped with the tools, insights, and resilience to tackle life's curveballs on your own. It's when your therapist's office becomes more of a safety net and less of a necessity.

Listening to Your Inner Compass:

As you embark on this therapeutic expedition, trust your gut. If you're seeing improvements, awesome! If you're feeling stuck or unsure, it might be time to reassess your approach or even explore a different therapist.

The Grand Finale:

So, my friend, how long does therapy take? The answer? As long as it takes for you to find your inner zen, gain clarity, and embrace growth. It's not about counting sessions; it's about the journey towards understanding, healing, and becoming the best version of yourself.

Chill Out and Zen In: How Meditation Does Wonders for Your Mind and Mood!

Hey there, fellow seeker of serenity! If you've ever wondered about that whole meditation buzz, let's break it down in everyday lingo. Buckle up as we dive into why kicking back and meditating can be like a soothing spa day for your mind.

Escape the Stress-Storm:

Picture this: You're caught in a whirlwind of work, traffic, and endless notifications. Meditation can be your tranquil escape pod. It's like pressing a magical "chill" button in your brain. By focusing on your breath or a peaceful image, you're giving your mind a mini-vacay from the stress storm. It can deactivate your sympathetic nervous system, or your fight or flight response. 

Hack Your Focus:

Ever feel like your brain is a squirrel on an espresso spree? Meditation's got your back! Think of it as a workout for your focus muscles. You're training your brain to stay put and concentrate. That means acing that report, acing that game, or simply not zoning out during a convo. You could be the boss of your attention! Sounds good huh?

Feels, Feels, Feels:

We all ride the emotional rollercoaster – from "Yay, ice cream!" to "Ugh, Mondays." Meditation sets up camp on this rollercoaster and hands you the reins. It helps you deal with emotions like a champ. By being all zen and mindful, you're learning to ride those feels without getting thrown off the track.

Mindfulness Magic:

Say hello to your new BFF: mindfulness. It's like savoring every sip of your morning coffee – but for life. Being mindful means soaking up the moment, minus the judgment. It's about noticing your thoughts, feelings, and the world around you. Suddenly, life's a bit more vivid, like watching HD instead of the blurry version. I like to call it present moment presence.

Anxiety Avenger:

Anxiety can be a pesky villain, but meditation can be crazy effective! It teaches you to tackle anxious thoughts head-on. With practice, you'll see those worries for what they are – just thoughts. But the key is practice!! And do notice that it is not meant to be used in reaction to an anxious episode. It can be impossible to sit and focus when you are highly anxious! But what it does do is bring down your overall level of anxiety when you practice regularly. Doesn’t that sound amazing!

Zzz Your Way to Glory:

Tired of counting sheep? Meditation's got a sleep potion too. By winding down your brain with meditation, you're prepping it for a peaceful slumber. So much less tossing, turning, or playing midnight Sudoku. It's like your brain gets a spa treatment before bedtime, which can be super helpful! And there are a ton of free apps out there now that have lots of sleep meditations to choose from!

Mastering Pain, Jedi-Style:

No need to wield a lightsaber – meditation is your ally in managing pain. It can help you change your pain perception. You become the boss of your body, not the other way around. It's like using mind tricks (minus the Star Wars robes) to conquer discomfort. While it is not a magic bullet, every little bit helps, right? Just search meditation for pain and see what you find.

Me, Myself, and I:

Get ready to meet the real you! Meditation sparks a journey of self-discovery. Think of it as a tête-à-tête with your thoughts, emotions, and quirks. You're peeling back the layers, like an onion of awesome. The more you meditate, the better you know and accept yourself.

Brain Glow-Up:

Here's the cool science part: Meditation reshapes your brain. Seriously! It's like a workout for your noggin. Studies show it can beef up parts linked to attention, emotions, and being in touch with yourself. Say hello to the smarter, calmer, and cooler you and it is backed by science!

So, there you have it, the scoop on meditation without the mystic mumbo-jumbo. It's your passport to a more chill, focused, and emotionally balanced you. Time to get cozy, close your eyes, and let the meditation vibe do its thing. Your mind will thank you for the vacay!

How do you choose a therapist....

Choosing a therapist is kind of like picking a flavor of ice cream – it's personal, and what works for one person might not work for another. Here are some tips in plain language to help you out:

1. Ask Around: Check with friends, family, or even coworkers. Recommendations from people you trust can be golden. It's like finding a good restaurant – word of mouth can be the best guide.

2. Specialties Matter: Therapists have different areas of expertise, just like doctors. If you're dealing with anxiety, find someone who specializes in that. If you're struggling with relationships, find a therapist who's an expert in that field. Lots of therapists deal with more than one issue but making sure they have a good deal of experience with the issue you are struggling with can be super helpful.

3. Online presence helps you to research someone: Look at their website and any online listings they might have. Just notice your response to their website and how the info is presented. This isn’t just about presentation, it can help you to get a sense of how this person thinks and exists in the world and it follows that might help in finding a good fit.

4. Comfort is Key: The most important thing is feeling comfortable with your therapist. It's like trying on shoes – they might look great, but if they don't feel right, it's a no-go.

5. Free consultations are the bomb: Many therapists offer a free consultation. Use it! Talk to them, see if you click. It's like a pre-date for your mental health. The best predictor of a good outcome is the relationship you have with your therapist.

6. Logistics: Consider practical stuff too. Is the therapist's office convenient for you? Do they do virtual sessions? Can you afford the sessions? Don't overlook the nitty-gritty.

7. Trust Your Gut: If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. It's like choosing a babysitter – if your gut says no, it's a no. Don’t keep seeing someone who is the wrong fit.

Remember, finding the right therapist might take a bit of trial and error, and that's okay. It's all part of the process. Treat it like finding a good pizza place – you might have to try a few before you find your favorite!

Ever heard of morning pages?

Morning Pages are something Julia Cameron wrote about in her book The Artist’s Way way back in the 90s. She recommends this practice where you write down three pages of whatever pops into your head first thing in the morning. It's like a brain dump on paper, and you don't worry about grammar, punctuation, spelling, or making it sound fancy – just let it flow.

“Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing,
done first thing in the morning. *There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages*–
they are not high art. They are not even “writing.” They are about
anything and everything that crosses your mind– and they are for your eyes
only. Morning Pages provoke, clarify, comfort, cajole, prioritize and
synchronize the day at hand. Do not over-think Morning Pages: just put
three pages of anything on the page...and then do three more pages tomorrow.”

~ Julia Cameron

Here's how ya do it…

• Timing is important: Do this right when you wake up. Your brain's still in that groggy, unfiltered state that's perfect for this.

• Pen and paper, not keyboard: Grab an old-school pen and paper. There's something about the physical act of writing that makes it more personal. Writing by hand is just different somehow.

• Fill three pages: Yup, that's the goal. Fill em up! Just get your thoughts out.

• No censorship: Seriously, let it all out. Even if it sounds like a crazy rant, that's the point…just write!

• Eyes-only content: This is your personal dump zone. It’s not meant to be read, reread, or seen by anyone else. You can always burn it sometime down the road.

Morning Pages can really be a positive influence on your mental health. It can offer

• Stress Relief: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be an emotional release. It's a safe space to unload worries, anxieties, and stresses, which can provide a sense of relief

• Clears your mental mess: It's like hitting the reset button for your brain. All that mental clutter/chatter gets out of your head and onto the paper. It’s a like a super useful brain dump

• Stay in the Now: It's like a morning mindfulness exercise. Instead of letting your mind race to tomorrow's to-do list, you're right there on the paper, dealing with today and being mindful!

• Emotional Dumping Ground: Feelings, good or bad, need an exit strategy. Morning Pages give them a place to land, helping you make sense of the emotional roller coaster. Knowing nobody will read this allows us the freedom to write literally anything we need/want to

• Increased Self-Awareness: Regularly engaging in Morning Pages can help you become more aware of your thoughts, patterns, and emotions. Self-awareness is a key element of good mental health

• Problem Solving: When you jot down your concerns and challenges, you may find that solutions and insights naturally emerge. It's a way of working through problems on paper, which can be less overwhelming than keeping everything in your head. It's like brainstorming on paper, and sometimes the solutions just pop up. It's like magic, but with ink!

• Gratitude and Positivity: Morning Pages can also be a space to express gratitude and positive thoughts. Focusing on the positive aspects of your life, even in the midst of challenges, can contribute to a more optimistic mindset….and sometimes getting all the negative stuff out of the way makes for easier access to the good stuff

• Creative Juices Flowing: Remember when you were a kid and could imagine anything? Morning Pages help you tap back into that creativity. Just unfiltered writing, which taps into your creative side.

• Routine and Structure: Establishing a morning routine that includes Morning Pages can provide a sense of structure and stability. Predictable routines can be comforting and contribute to overall mental well-being

• Get stuff done: Starting the day with a clear head? It's like putting on mental armour. You'll tackle the day like a champ 

Give it a shot; you might end up loving it or thinking it's a bit meh. Give it a shot, and if it doesn't vibe with you, that's cool too. As always, the goal is to find what works for you.

Can you rebuild a marriage after infidelity?

Fixing a marriage after one partner cheated is tough, no doubt about it. But can it be done? Yup, it's possible. People do it. Here's the deal:

Talk it Out: First things first, you gotta talk about it. And I mean really talk – spill your guts – don’t fight it out, talk it out. It's gonna be hard, no sugarcoating it. But keeping stuff bottled up won't help.

Get Some Help: Sometimes, you need a pro in your corner. A therapist can be like your relationship coach, helping you navigate this rocky road. They've seen it all, trust me.

Own Up to It: If you messed up, own it. Say you're sorry, and mean it. But don't just apologize; show that you're changing your ways. Apologies only carry weight if they are accompanied by behavior change.

Rebuild Trust: This one's a doozy. Trust takes time to rebuild, like fixing a broken vase. You gotta handle it carefully. Be open, honest, and reliable. And don’t press for it to happen faster! This is a super common mistake.

Forgive, but Don't Forget: Forgiving isn't forgetting. It's about moving forward without holding a grudge. Easier said than done, right?

Set New Rules: Clearly, something went wrong along the way. So, set some ground rules to prevent history from repeating itself. Learn what healtthy boundaries are.

Lean on Your Crew: Friends and family can be your support squad during this mess. Don't be shy about reaching out; you'll need their help.

Be Patient AF: Rebuilding isn't a sprint; it's a marathon. Expect setbacks, but don't give up. Patience is key.

Think About What Went Wrong: This is your chance to figure out what caused the mess in the first place. Was it boredom, unhappiness, or just a mistake? Dig deep and address the root issues.

Decide the Future: In the end, it's up to both of you. Do you want to keep this thing going? Sometimes, despite all the work, it might not be the right fit anymore. But if it is, what direction do you want to go in. What do you want your lives and your marriage to look like moving forward.

Remember, fixing things after infidelity is a long, bumpy road. It might work out, or it might not. But if both of you are willing to put in the effort and you're committed to making it work, then yeah, it's possible to heal and move forward together.

Unleash Your Power: The Art of Setting Boundaries and How to Rock It!

Hey there, boundary explorer! Ever felt like life's a chaotic circus and you're juggling way too many balls? Well, it might just be time to whip out the magic wand of boundaries. Buckle up as we dive into what these mystical things are and how you can master the art of using them like a boss.

Boundaries 101: What Are They, Anyway?

Think of boundaries as the invisible force fields that protect your mental, emotional, and physical space. They're like the lines you draw in the sand – defining where you end and others begin. In simple and direct terms, **they're the limits you set to preserve your well-being** without feeling guilty about it.

Why Boundaries Are Your Superpower:

Imagine a world where you're not constantly overextended, stressed, or feeling like a doormat. That world? It's the one where boundaries reign supreme. They're your secret weapon against burnout, drama, and being pulled in a million directions.

Step 1: Tune into Yourself:

Setting boundaries begins with a little soul-searching. What makes you feel uncomfortable, drained, or stressed? Listen to your inner compass. If a commitment or interaction leaves you feeling like you've just run a marathon, it's time to set some boundaries.

Step 2: The "B" Word – Communicate:

You can’t expect others to read your mind… you've got to spell your boundaries out. Communicate your limits calmly and assertively. It's not about being harsh; it's about being honest…but firm. Whether it's telling your friend you need alone time or letting your boss know your workload is maxed out, clear communication is key.

Step 3: Own Your No (Without Apology):

Ah, the art of saying "no" – it's like a Jedi skill. Remember, saying no isn't a crime and it isn’t rude either; it's a form of self-care. You don't have to apologize for having your own needs and priorities. Stand firm, and if guilt creeps in, remind yourself that you're not responsible for pleasing everyone.

Step 4: Stick to Your Guns:

Boundaries are only as effective as your commitment to them. Consistency is key. If you give in one time after setting a boundary, it sends mixed signals. Stay strong, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

Step 5: Adjust and Adapt:

Life's a dynamic dance, and so are boundaries. Boundaries are fluid. They change depending on who you’re interacting with, what the situation is, what your current needs are, what is being asked of you, and likely some more stuff I’m forgetting. As situations change, your boundaries might need a little tweak. That's totally okay! Stay flexible and open to adjusting them as you grow and learn. It does get easier!

Step 6: Embrace the Guilt-Free Zone:

Let's banish the guilt monster, shall we? Setting boundaries doesn't make you selfish or mean. It's an act of self-respect and self-love. Remind yourself that taking care of your well-being empowers you to show up fully for others too.

Step 7: Practice, Practice, Practice:

Like any skill, boundary-setting takes practice. Don't be disheartened if you slip up or feel a bit awkward at first. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither are your boundary-setting muscles.

Step 8: Celebrate Your Wins:

Each time you set and maintain a boundary, celebrate! Treat yourself to that book you've been eyeing, a cozy movie night, or whatever tickles your fancy. Celebrating your wins reinforces the positive impact of boundaries on your life.

So there you have it, boundary champ! You're armed with the basics of setting boundaries and reclaiming your space. Remember, boundaries are your ticket to a more balanced, empowered, and fulfilling life. Start small, stay strong, and watch your world transform!

What is a "normal" reaction to being raped

Why do some rape survivors not leave immediately after an assault

It's essential to approach this question with sensitivity and empathy, as discussing sexual assault can be distressing. There are several reasons why some individuals, including women, may not immediately leave or report a date rape or sexual assault incident:

1.     Shock and Disbelief: Experiencing sexual assault can be profoundly shocking and traumatizing. Victims may initially be in a state of disbelief, struggling to process what just happened.

2.     Fear: Fear of the perpetrator can be a significant factor. Victims may worry about their safety if they confront the assailant or report the incident. Threats or intimidation by the perpetrator can exacerbate this fear.

3.     Guilt and Self-Blame: Victims of sexual assault often experience feelings of guilt and self-blame, even though they are not at fault. They may question their own actions, choices, or whether they somehow contributed to the assault, which can make them hesitant to speak out.

4.     Shame and Stigma: There is still a significant stigma surrounding sexual assault, which can make survivors reluctant to disclose the incident due to concerns about being judged or not believed.

5.     Emotional and Psychological Impact: Sexual assault can lead to a wide range of emotional and psychological effects, including depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These effects can make it difficult for survivors to take immediate action.

6.     Lack of Support: Some survivors may not have a support system or resources to turn to, making it harder for them to come forward or seek help.

7.     Confusion: In cases of date rape, the line between consensual and non-consensual acts can be blurry. Victims may have difficulty articulating what happened, especially if they were intoxicated or coerced.

8.     Legal Concerns: Survivors may be unsure about the legal process and what reporting the incident entails. They may fear the legal system won't provide justice or protection.

It's important to understand that every survivor's response to sexual assault is unique, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to react. Encouraging a supportive environment, free of judgment, where survivors can make decisions that feel right for them, is crucial. If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, it's essential to seek professional help and support from organizations and individuals experienced in providing assistance to survivors

From Self-Assured to Seeking Approval: The Evolution of Our Social Identity

Hey, curious minds! Let's dive into a time-traveling adventure. Back in the day, it was all about knowing ourselves, owning our vibes, and being true to who we were. But somewhere along the line, we hit a detour. Let's unravel the mystery of when and why we started caring more about their thoughts than our own.

Back in the Good Ol' Days:

Once upon a time, people strutted around with a certain swagger. They rocked their unique style, ideas, and dreams without losing sleep over anyone's opinion. The focus was on being authentic, building connections, and embracing differences. It was an era of genuine self-expression.

Hello, Social Media Revolution:

Then came the whirlwind known as social media. Suddenly, everyone had a front-row seat to each other's lives. Likes, comments, and followers became the metrics of self-worth. The virtual applause started overshadowing the applause within our own hearts. We began curating our lives for the digital world, not our real selves.

Comparison-itis Strikes:

With the influx of highlight reels and picture-perfect posts, a new villain emerged: comparison-itis. Suddenly, our achievements, looks, and lives were measured against an unrealistic standard. We started wondering, "How many likes did my post get?" instead of, "Did I enjoy doing that?"

Enter the People-Pleaser:

As we got lost in the world of filters and hashtags, the people-pleaser in us got comfortable in the driver's seat. We found ourselves seeking validation from others – changing our behavior, decisions, and even aspirations to fit in and be accepted. The fear of missing out (FOMO) was real, and it often overshadowed our genuine desires.

The Psychology of Approval:

It turns out, seeking approval triggers our brain's reward system. The likes, comments, and nods activate the same areas that light up when we receive actual rewards. No wonder we became addicted to external validation.

The Ripple Effect:

Caring too much about others' opinions started seeping into our self-esteem, relationships, and even mental health. Anxiety over whether we're liked or accepted began gnawing at our confidence. Authenticity took a backseat to fitting in, and we forgot the power of our own voice.

Breaking the Spell:

But here's the good news – we're waking up from this approval-seeking trance. People are starting to question the cost of losing themselves in the sea of opinions. There's a growing movement towards embracing imperfections, flaunting quirks, and standing tall in our truth.

Reclaiming Our Narrative:

The shift is happening. We're realizing that the opinions of others are like gusts of wind – they come and go. But our self-worth? It's rooted within us and impacts every single area of our lives! We're learning to set boundaries, prioritize our well-being, and find joy in being ourselves, even if it doesn't rack up likes.

Back to the Future:

So, my fellow time travelers, the journey is ongoing. We're rewiring our mindset, one step at a time. We're redefining what truly matters – our own thoughts, dreams, and passions. Let's bring back that self-assured swagger, dancing to the rhythm of our own hearts! It's time to be the authors of our story, not just characters seeking applause.

Let's chat about some of the reasons therapy can be tough…

First off, therapy makes you spill the beans on some deep and sometimes painful stuff. I mean, who likes talking about their darkest secrets or the things that hurt them the most? It's like laying your soul bare, and that can be pretty intimidating, especially if you're not used to it or you're worried about what your therapist might think. And then there's the emotional rollercoaster. Therapy drags you through all these tough emotions – sadness, anger, guilt, shame, you name it. It's like you're sifting through a box of feelings, and it can leave you feeling wiped out. Therapy's all about looking in the mirror and figuring yourself out. Sometimes, that means shining a light on parts of yourself you'd rather keep in the shadows. It's not always a comfortable process.

Therapy pushes you to make changes in your life. Whether it's kicking a bad habit, dealing with past trauma, or fixing a rocky relationship, change is never a cakewalk. It's like breaking up with your old self and trying to get cozy with a new you. It’s also like the slowest slow cooker in the world. It takes time, and if you're the type who wants quick fixes, it can be seriously frustrating.

Finding the right therapist? That's a whole journey in itself. You've got to find someone you click with, someone you could trust enough to open up to. It's like dating, but with way more on the line.

Then there's the big, ugly stigma. Some folks still think therapy is only for the "crazy" or "weak" ones. That can make admitting you need help a tough pill to swallow. But this is a super important place to think for yourself. Do YOU believe therapy might help? If yes, then reach out!

Money and logistics can be a real buzzkill too. Not everyone can afford therapy, and sometimes it's just not available nearby. So even if you want help, it might feel like it's out of reach. But lots of therapists have sliding scales (lowered fees for folks who can’t afford it) and if you are on a limited income, see if there are some programs out there that can help you at low or no charge! And there are so many virtual options now! This can make access so much easier and allows you to do the really hard work from the comfort of your own home.

And sometimes, deep down, we resist change. Even if we know it's for the better, our inner selves can put up a fight. It's like trying to convince a stubborn kid to eat their veggies.

Lastly, therapy's only as good as the effort you put in. If you're not motivated to work on yourself outside of those therapy sessions, progress can be as slow as a snail.

So yeah, therapy's no walk in the park. But it's also a journey toward self-discovery and better mental health. If you can navigate these challenges and stick with it, it can lead to a happier, healthier you.

The Fallout of Growing Up in a Toxic Family

We’re diving deep into the emotional whirlwind that is growing up in a toxic family. Now, we’re not talking about just any family drama; we're talking about the real deal – the kind of family dysfunction that can leave you emotionally scarred for a lifetime.

Low Self-Esteem: Picture this: constant criticism, never feeling good enough, and the belief that you're the root of all evil. That's the kind of self-esteem crusher that growing up in a toxic family can be. As you grow older, it's like you're carrying around a backpack filled with self-doubt and self-loathing. You might be in your thirties forties or fifties, but that nagging voice from the past still says, "You're not worth it."

Anxiety and Depression: When your home feels more like a war zone than a sanctuary, it's no wonder anxiety and depression often become your unwanted companions. The constant tension, uncertainty, and emotional chaos create a perfect breeding ground for these mental monsters. They stick around long after you've left your toxic childhood behind.

Trust Issues: Remember that time your family broke promises or betrayed your trust? Yeah, that's where the trust issues come in. As an adult, you might find it tough to trust anyone, be it your partner, friends, or even your own instincts. It's like you're wearing trust-colored glasses with a permanent tint of skepticism.

Boundary Bloopers: Toxic families? They're notorious for boundary violations. Growing up, you probably had none or some that were super messed up. So, as an adult, you're either building fortress-like walls around yourself or letting people walk all over you. Finding the middle ground feels like hunting for a unicorn.

Perfectionist Panic: In toxic families, being perfect is the name of the game. You strive for it, but it's a never-ending chase. The fear of making mistakes or disappointing others becomes an unrelenting passenger on your journey through life. Goodbye, self-compassion; hello, stress city!

Emotionally Challenged: Expressing your emotions? Yikes! In toxic households, feelings are often shoved under the rug. So, as an adult, you might find it tricky to open up, talk about your emotions, or even understand what you're feeling. You're like an emotional detective trying to solve a mystery in a foreign language.

Anger, Thy Old Friend: Unresolved anger and resentment from your childhood? They linger like a stubborn stain on your favorite shirt. As an adult, these emotions can sneak up on you at the worst moments, making it tough to form healthy relationships or find inner peace.

Insecurity Galore: Romantic relationships can be a minefield when you've grown up in a toxic family. Abandonment and rejection fears become your trusty companions. So, you may find yourself constantly seeking reassurance, questioning your partner's love, or pushing them away out of fear.

Self-Blame Blues: Oh, and let's not forget the classic – blaming yourself for everything. Toxic families have a knack for making you feel like it's all your fault and often out right blame everything on you. As an adult, even when logic says otherwise, that guilt and self-blame can still hang around like an uninvited guest at a party.

Coping Carnival: Lastly, let's talk coping mechanisms. Some folks turn to unhealthy habits like drinking, overeating, or self-harm to numb the emotional pain that lingers from their toxic upbringing. It's like trying to put a band-aid on a bullet wound – temporary relief with long-term consequences.

But here's the silver lining, my friends – awareness is the first step towards healing. Recognizing these emotional scars from your toxic past is like shining a spotlight on the monsters hiding under your bed. With time, therapy, and support, you can rewrite your story and turn your emotional roller coaster into a scenic train ride through life. Remember, you're not alone, and you've got the strength and resilience to break free from the toxic cycle.

Why is Trust So Hard? The Struggle is Real!

Let's talk about trust, folks. You know, that tricky thing that makes relationships tick? But for some of us, trusting isn't a walk in the park. In this blog, we're diving into why some of us find it as hard as solving a Rubik's Cube blindfolded.

• Past Backstabs and Drama: Picture this: you've been burned before, maybe a friend broke a promise or a partner pulled a sneaky move. That stuff leaves scars. It's like emotional graffiti, making us wary of trusting again. Who wants to set themselves up for more heartache, right?

• Playing the Vulnerability Game: Trust means laying it all out there, and that feels like wearing your heart on your sleeve in a lion's den. It's scary stuff. We're talking about opening the door to potential hurt, like inviting a vampire into your house. No wonder some of us slam that door shut!

• Control Freaks Unite: Imagine giving up the driver's seat of your life and letting someone else steer for a while. For some of us, that's a big no-no. We're used to calling the shots, thanks to past drama or just their personality. Letting someone else take the wheel? Yeah, right.

• Confidence Crunch: Feeling like you're a fraud or imposter can be a real buzzkill. If you can't trust yourself, how in the world can you trust someone else? It's like expecting your dog to do your taxes – doesn't add up.

• Our Tricky Brains: Our minds love playing tricks on us. If we've been let down before, suddenly it feels like everyone's got a hidden agenda. It's like wearing betrayal-tinted glasses. Our brains high-five themselves for being 'smart,' but they're just making it harder to let anyone in.

• Culture Shock: Different cultures have different rules for trust. Some folks hand it out like candy on Halloween, while others treat it like a rare gem. Movies, TV shows, and family stories shape how we think about trust. It's like a recipe with ingredients from all over the world. It’s a great idea to explore what your particular recipe is.

• Unrealistic Expectations: We're all human, which means we mess up sometimes. But if you expect everyone to be perfect and don’t allow for mistakes, you're gonna be disappointed at some point. Think about your own mistakes….we all make them. The key is to try to determine if this was a mistake or something someone did on purpose. And let’s be honest, if we have heard the same apology again and again it’s a pretty good indicator that it’s just words minus regret.

Trusting isn't simple, my friends. It's a wild mix of feelings, experiences, and mind games. Protecting yourself is important, but living in a fortress doesn't make for a fun life. Finding the balance between playing it safe and taking a leap of faith is like nailing the perfect pancake flip – it might take some practice, but boy, is it worth it.

Is Anger Always a Bad Thing? Let's Break It Down!

Alright, let's talk about anger, that fiery emotion that can turn us into human volcanoes. We've all experienced it at some point, triggered by stuff like frustration, injustice, or when someone eats the last slice of pizza. But is anger always a negative thing?

The Lowdown on Anger:

Anger is like a wild stallion that charges in when we feel threatened or wronged. It comes with a rush of energy, pumping up our heart rate, raising our blood pressure, and making our muscles tense. It's basically our body's way of saying, "Hey, something's not right here!"

The Bright Side of Anger:

·       Motivation to Make a Change: Believe it or not, anger can be a powerful motivator. It pushes us to stand up against injustice and fight for what's right. Throughout history, anger has fueled social movements, sparking demands for justice, equality, and positive change.

·       Drawing Boundaries: Anger can be your personal superhero, helping you set boundaries and protect yourself. When someone steps over the line, anger steps in to say, "Hold up, this ain't cool!" It empowers you to stand your ground and safeguard your rights and well-being.

·       Problem-Solving Mode: Anger, when channeled properly, can boost your problem-solving skills. It gives you the energy and focus needed to tackle challenges head-on, break down barriers, and find creative solutions. So, harness that anger and conquer the world!

The Dark Side of Anger:

·       Impaired Judgment: Here's the catch: intense anger can cloud our judgment and make us do dumb things. When anger takes the wheel, rational thinking often gets thrown out the window. We end up making impulsive decisions that we later regret, causing more harm than good.

·       Health Havoc: Letting anger run wild can wreak havoc on our physical and mental health. It's like a stress bomb waiting to explode. Chronic anger has been linked to cardiovascular issues, a weakened immune system, and sky-high stress and anxiety levels. Plus, it can turn you into a loner, straining relationships and leaving you with a one-way ticket to social isolation.

Managing Anger like a Pro:

·       Know Thyself: The first step to mastering anger is recognizing when it's taking over. Be aware of your triggers and the underlying causes of your anger. This self-awareness will help you develop strategies to tackle the root issues and find healthier ways to deal with your emotions.

·       Vent in Style: Instead of unleashing your anger like a raging bull, find constructive ways to express it. Hit the gym, write in a journal, or have a heart-to-heart with a trusted friend. Release that built-up anger and gain a clearer perspective in the process.

·       Empathy is Key: Developing empathy towards others can defuse your anger like a pro. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand where they're coming from. It might just take the edge off your anger and open the door to meaningful dialogue.

Anger isn't always the villain it's made out to be. When managed effectively, it can be a catalyst for positive change, personal growth, and boundary-setting. But watch out! Uncontrolled anger can lead to disastrous consequences for you and those around you. So, stay self-aware, find healthy outlets, and sprinkle some empathy into the mix. Remember, it's not the anger itself that determines its impact, but how you deal with/express it.

The Real Deal: How ADHD Shows Up Differently in Women

You've probably heard about ADHD, but did you know that it doesn't always look the same in everyone? When it comes to women, ADHD often puts on a disguise, making it harder to spot and leaving many undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. In this blog post, we're going to dig into the unique ways ADHD shows up in women. It's time to uncover the truth and shed some light on the challenges faced by these remarkable women.

Fidgeting Minds, Not Necessarily Fidgeting Bodies:

Forget the stereotype of the hyperactive kid bouncing off the walls. In women with ADHD, it's more about the mind racing a mile a minute rather than the body. They may struggle to concentrate, stay organized, and manage time effectively. It's like having a constant mental tornado, making it difficult to start and finish tasks.

Rollercoaster of Emotions:

Women with ADHD often find themselves on an emotional rollercoaster. They may have intense feelings, from overwhelming stress and anxiety to sudden mood swings. It's not that they're dramatic or overly sensitive—it's just their brains working in overdrive, making it tough to regulate their emotions.

The Art of Hiding:

Women with ADHD have become experts at hiding their struggles. They've mastered the art of camouflaging their symptoms, making it harder for others to notice what's really going on. They may appear organized and put together on the surface, but inside, they're battling with forgetfulness, disorganization, and difficulty focusing.

Executive Functioning Woes:

Executive functioning—the brain's CEO—can be a real challenge for women with ADHD. Decision-making, planning, and impulse control can feel like an uphill battle. Juggling multiple tasks, setting priorities, and estimating time become daily obstacles. It's like their brains have a "delay" button, making it harder to stay on top of things.

Relationships in the Crosshairs:

ADHD can wreak havoc on relationships and social interactions for women. They may struggle with active listening, often interrupting or appearing forgetful. It can be tough to maintain friendships, as their symptoms might be misunderstood as disinterest or flakiness. Romantic relationships can also be tricky, as the rollercoaster of emotions and executive functioning challenges can create hurdles.

ADHD in women is no joke. It's a sneaky condition that often goes unnoticed or misunderstood. By shedding light on the unique ways it manifests in women, we can break down stereotypes, improve diagnosis rates, and provide the right support. It's time to recognize and appreciate the strength and resilience of women with ADHD, helping them navigate their lives with the understanding and resources they need to thrive.

Care to share any of your experiences with ADHD?

Why Mother's Day Can Be Tough for Some Folks: Let's Talk About It!

So, Mother's Day is supposed to be all about celebrating and honoring moms, right? Well, for some people, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. In fact, this day can be pretty challenging for a lot of folks. In this blog post, we're gonna dig into why Mother's Day can be such a struggle for some. We'll explore the emotional rollercoaster and challenges that come with this widely celebrated day.

Missing Mom or Loss: If you've lost your mom, Mother's Day can hit you right in the feels. It's a painful reminder of her absence, stirring up grief, longing, and a void in your heart. And it's not just about losing a mom—some folks have lost a child, and this day can be a painful reminder of that too. It brings up all the sadness and unfulfilled dreams of being a parent. Basically, it reignites grief.

Complicated Relationships: Not all mother-child relationships are sunshine and unicorns. Some people have strained or downright toxic relationships with their moms. Mother's Day can shine a spotlight on those unresolved conflicts, emotional distance, or even abuse. Society expects us to honor and cherish our moms but rarely considers relationships gone bad, which can make these feelings even more intense and also leave us feeling excluded. Cue the guilt and shame.

Fertility Struggles and No Kids: If you're dealing with infertility or unable to have kids, Mother's Day is like a big, flashing neon sign pointing out what you don't have. It's a smack in the face, making you feel inadequate, sad, and isolated. The constant reminders of motherhood, the pressure to conform to traditional family norms, in a dream unrealized can be very painful.

Estrangement and Being Far Apart: Sometimes, you might be estranged from your mom or separated by distance. Mother's Day just rubs salt in the wound, highlighting the lack of a close bond and leaving you feeling lonely and yearning for that connection.

Personal Tragedies and Trauma: For those who've experienced personal tragedies or trauma related to motherhood, Mother's Day is like a trigger fest. It can bring up painful memories of losing a child, going through a difficult birth experience, or battling postpartum depression. The mix of emotions it stirs up—sadness, guilt, anxiety, maybe even anger—is a lot to handle.

Mother's Day is meant to be a time of celebration and appreciation, but let's not forget that it can be a tough day for many. We need to recognize and empathize with those who are feeling the weight of grief, strained relationships, infertility, or other challenging circumstances. Being understanding and supportive is key - life is not a Hallmark card. Let's create a space where everyone's experiences are heard and validated, and where we can show compassion to those who might be struggling.

Unraveling the Mystery of Your Anger: Why Are You So Mad All the Time?

Today, we're diving deep into the world of chronic anger and trying to figure out why we are constantly feeling like a fire-breathing dragon. Anger is a normal emotion, but when it's hanging around all the time and ruining your day, it's time to understand what's going on. So, grab a seat and let's unravel the mystery of your perpetual anger.

1. Childhood and Growing Up Stuff: Alright, let's rewind to your early days. Sometimes, our childhood experiences play a big role in our anger issues. If you grew up in a chaotic or abusive environment, where anger was the go-to response, it's no wonder you picked up on that vibe. Childhood wounds can leave lasting scars that make it harder to control your anger later on.

2. That Baggage from the Past: Ever had a traumatic event or emotional pain that you haven't quite dealt with? That stuff can stick with you and fuel your anger. When you haven't processed your past hurts, they tend to resurface as anger. It's like carrying around a backpack full of unresolved emotions, and it weighs you down.

3. Mental Health Matters: Here's the deal: certain mental health conditions have anger on speed dial. Depression, anxiety disorders, PTSD, or borderline personality disorder can all be culprits behind your chronic anger. Sometimes, it's not just about the anger itself but what's going on beneath the surface.

4. Thoughts That Play Tricks on You: Our minds can be real tricksters when it comes to anger. Ever catch yourself catastrophizing or thinking in all-or-nothing terms? Those distorted thinking patterns can make a molehill look like Mount Everest. When your thoughts are playing these tricks, it's easy for anger to become your default reaction. And boy can it be hard to recognize!

5. Stress and Frustration: The Unholy Duo: Life can be a rollercoaster ride, and sometimes it feels like you're stuck in a destructive loop. Constant stress or feeling frustrated with everything can make anger your constant companion. When you're living on the edge of your seat, it's no wonder anger jumps in for the ride.

6. Mastering the Art of Emotion Regulation: Alright, here's the thing: managing anger requires some serious skills. But if nobody ever taught you those skills, it's like playing a video game without the controller. Learning to regulate your emotions and finding healthier ways to cope with anger is key. You gotta level up, my friend!

So, there you have it—the lowdown on ongoing anger. Put on your detective hat and get curious about what's really going on. Remember, you're not alone in this. Seek out professionals who specialize in anger management, therapists, or support groups that can guide you on this journey. With a little patience, self-awareness, and some support, you can learn to tame that anger beast. So, let's kick that chronic anger to the curb!

Toxic positivity...

Funny that I was so excited to come across the term “Toxic positivity”. It was something that was so prevalent for so long and I found so incredibly frustrating. Toxic positivity in my view is when people are basically saying “turn that frown upside down”. Life is not always sunshine and roses and this is something that we all need to acknowledge as we all experience it. But when we are in a tough spot or life isn’t going well and we try to talk to someone about it and they tell us that we shouldn’t focus on the negative or “don’t worry things will get better” or “at least _____________  hasn’t happened” it is extremely invalidating. I’m not sure when it became trendy to only speak of happy things but this is not real life. We still seem to have this idea in our society that happiness is a state that you attain and retain. This simply isn’t true. Life is full of ups and downs, happiness and sadness, joyful times and painful times. When we stop allowing space for pain we stop allowing people to process and grow. So while it isn’t healthy to focus only on the negative all the time it is equally unhealthy to pretend with people you love and trust that everything is okay when it isn’t. So please, let’s all try to make room for the people we care about to talk about the things they care about and not shut them down when it isn’t all sunshine and roses.

What exactly is this EMDR therapy I keep hearing about?

EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a type of therapy that aims to help people overcome the negative effects of traumatic experiences. During EMDR therapy, the therapist will guide the patient through a series of bilateral stimulus (for us it is sound since we are fully virtual) while the patient focuses on a specific memory related to their trauma. This allows the brain to re-process the memory and release associated negative emotions, making it easier for the patient to move on from their trauma. EMDR is generally much quicker than other more traditional forms of therapy.

 The exact mechanism by which EMDR works is not fully understood and there are several different theories. One theory is that the eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation used in EMDR therapy activate the brain's information processing systems, which allows for the processing of traumatic memories and emotions to occur in a more adaptive way. This may help to reduce the intensity or negative associations of the traumatic memory, eventually leading to a reduction in symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, and anxiety. Another theory is that EMDR helps to stimulate the amygdala, the part of the brain that is responsible for processing emotions, by alternating between focusing on the traumatic memory and the bilateral stimulation. This can help to "desensitize" the amygdala to the negative emotions associated with the traumatic memory, reducing the intensity of the emotions over time. It is this second theory that makes the most sense to me as a practitioner.

A number of randomized controlled trials and other research studies have found EMDR therapy to be as effective as other evidence-based treatments for PTSD, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Therapy. EMDR has also been found to be effective for a range of other conditions, including anxiety, depression, and phobias.

EMDR is recognized as an evidence-based treatment by several organizations, including the World Health Organization (WHO), the American Psychiatric Association (APA), and the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). It is widely used by mental health professionals around the world and has helped many individuals overcome the negative effects of traumatic experiences. However, as with any treatment, EMDR may not work for everyone, and it is important to work with a qualified therapist to determine the best course of treatment for your individual needs.